last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
