1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
