I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
