When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
