What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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