She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
