I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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