It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
