Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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