I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
