my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
