I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
