She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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