she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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