why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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