Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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