What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
