I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
