he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
