We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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