I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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