we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
