I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Text me some of your sweat
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
