So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
