Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
