I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
