Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
