Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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