I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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