He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
MIDGETS
????
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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