and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Semen is not good for contacts.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
