I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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