You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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