I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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