found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize