3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
