So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
