positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
