I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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