She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
