Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What a dumb baby whore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
