Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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