By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
