Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
