She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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