Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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