my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize