Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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