I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
