i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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