Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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