Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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