when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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