what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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