At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
