Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
