well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
