Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
