Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
