I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
