and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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