The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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