I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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