Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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