Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
