If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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