My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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