I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
