worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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