Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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