epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Alive.
So much puke
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
