Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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