I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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