i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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