Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
