how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
