I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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