D3 body, D1 cock
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
