How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
