I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
