Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
