just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
