fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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